Well Simon if you gonna go out ya might as well do it in style son!

wait NYC WTF?

now that scares the Chappy---you and NYC is a scary one--
;)

pow

everyone should pack some!

"MORE BACON MORE BACON MORE BACON.

Let's not run out this year."

Um, are you volunteering to cook it?

well maybe if i had a budget of more than $100 this time. listen pal, pimpin' aint easy OK? you take a catastrophic amount of drugs, stay up all night and then cook 30 pounds of bacon, 10 bags of hashbrowns, 20 pounds of pancake mix, and chop up 20 pounds of fresh fruit with long pointy knives while working in a kitchen full of drunkards and listening to the world's stankiest house music and then you can complain about the bacon running out. no, scratch that, you still don't get to complain you just get to BLOW ME.

anyway. whooo! BoC. bacon. um. shit.

I totally built his robot to cook us bacon for our party. Just don't stand too close.

blog.wired.com/tableofmal...ntifie.html

"Say.... so.... if the moon was made of barbecue spare ribs, would you eat it? This isn't a complex question. Answer it and let's move on"

my bacon agent, ms lannan, just books me into gigs, makes sure the m&m's are color separated in the Greenroom before I go on, and takes 10% of my drugs off the top.

this year i'm enacting an extreme policy that states that any animate object (organic or otherwise so that includes all you zombies, robots, and robot-zombies out there) that enters the kitchen between the hours of 6am and 6pm on new year's day is put immediately to work doing one or more of the following:

getting your metal shell/goofy NYE costume/tanned exterior spattered with red hot grease as you prod/jiggle/wrestle/drain off 4-6 simultaneously sizzling and overflowing pans of violently percolating bacon slices

stirring an oobleck like cauldron of pancake batter which then most be splattered shamelessly onto a red hot cooking surface Jackson Pollack style until it becomes golden brown edible rorschach drawings.

Dicing up fresh fruit into cutesy hippie-sized edible chunks using dangerously sharp knives in dark, cramped, awkward circumstances. This is my least favorite activity because it’s basically catering to the feckless grass munchers I dispise.

Assembling and ferrying out trays of plates. Note, last year the plate dispensing team met with extreme resistance and very little of our breakfast production made it past the immediate first floor area. This year I’ve vowed to achieve a more equitable distribution, something closer to 65/35 (upstairs/downstairs). My plan to achieve these numbers is threefold:

1-Secure use of the elevator to transport completed breakfast plates from the kitchen to the 2nd floor. Those stairs are bullshit under the best conditions.
2-All plate distribution teams consist of no less than two (2) and optimally three (3) members. Individuals under the influence of stimulants/methamphetamine are preferred for this duty for the following, painfully obvious reasons: won’t break the dealer’s cardinal rule (“high on own supply” etc.), possessed of the necessary focus and drive to complete the mission at all costs, unlikely to be swayed by the pleas of e-tards and drunkards.
3-Much like Chuck Norris in Missing in Action I-III and Rambo in First Blood Part 2, I will personally lead bacon distribution sorties to the 2nd floor. To paraphrase our illustrious president’s child literacy slogan “no raver left unbaconed!”

My own personal goal is to see if I can surpass the level of fadedness I achieved on NYE last year where I spent the latter half of the evening hiding behind the speakers at the FP party talking to Reagan’s creepy hedgehog hand puppet and still manage to do my Phoenix from X-Men imitation in time to play Bacon-Jesus to the cracked out raver masses.

But really, the damn thing is almost 2 months away so I’m just not giving it much thought yet.

53 days

Bacon Army is recruiting
ravers are now applying
Bus is being secured
I will be transporting ravers on the bus again this year
so my services are already being used

i am already so excited

Does it come complete with the wings? Cuz that would be sweet.